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    A Modest Proposal

    February 19th, 2014

    Every time I suggest here that maybe a few more rational handgun laws would be a good idea, I get flooded with responses from gun nuts (sorry, I mean concerned second amendment supporters; no, wait, I do mean gun nuts) asking how I would feel if I saw my wife or daughters being raped (these people spend a lot of time thinking about rape), or they post an article about some grandmother in Detroit frightening off intruders with her assault rifle. It comes down to two opposing and seemingly irreconcilable approaches: the gun people seem to think that the solution to gun violence is for more people to have guns; the idea being that, once everyone is armed, no one would dare actually pull the trigger. Call it the mutually assured destruction, or MAD principle. On the other hand, silly people like me have this crazy idea that a better way to reduce gun violence is to, you know, reduce guns.

    So I have a modest proposal, a compromise that I think both sides can agree on: let’s just arm only women.

    This meets the gun supporters’ repeated concern about the safety of their wives and daughters. As for my side, it’s not a perfect solution, but let’s be honest: what do George Zimmerman, Adam Lanza, that guy who shot that other guy in the movie theater, that guy who shot that other guy in WalMart, all have in common? Yeah, they’re dudes. Clearly, the problem is dudes with guns. So let’s make all guns with biometric triggers that simply won’t fire if held by someone with a y chromosome. After all, if women can’t be trusted to make their own reproductive health decisions, why should men be trusted to manage their own penises? I mean guns.


    April 18th, 2007

    On August 1, 1966, twenty-five year-old Charles Whitman ascended the UT clock tower with a personal arsenal and, shortly before noon, began shooting tourists and passersby. He killed 15 people that day, including his wife and mother that morning, and wounded 31 others. It was a horrible crime that shocked a nation. More than twenty years later, I visited Austin and they were still talking about it.

    Two days ago, twenty-three year-old Seung-hui Cho walked through Norris Hall at VA Tech shooting students and faculty. He killed 32 people, including two early that morning in a student dorm. Once again, the nation is shocked, but we are no longer stunned. This spree shooting is simply the bloodiest and most recent in a line of memorable shootings.

    The worst thing about living in a post-Columbine world is that Columbines are no longer inconceivable. What was once incomprehensible has become comprehensible. For some disturbed souls, such incidents become challenges to out-Columbine Columbine.

    Read the rest of this entry »

    Penal Violation

    August 4th, 2006

    I’m not a golfer, but this strikes me as a little extreme…