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Semi Truths

a semi-regular column of Truths, Half Truths, and Mostly Truths by Semi.

Volume I, Issue 17 · posted July 27, 2001

WHITHER SEMI...AGAIN?

This will be a short column and I find myself once again beginning by apologizing for my recent silence. Truly, it's not due to lack of interesting topics. Someday, perhaps, I can devote my full time attentions to this little endeavor, but right now this whole "work-40+-hours-a-week-and-bring-in-a-regular-paycheck-to-support-the-family" thing seems to be occupying most of my time!

You may not miss it, but I do. After all, there certainly has not been a shortage of topics lately to which I could turn my poison pen:

"President" Bush went to Europe to meet with the G8 and managed to get in a lot of smirking, back-slapping and glad-handing while leaving longtime allies shaking their heads in disbelief and complaining about U.S. arrogance. Meanwhile, his staff touted the fact that he did it all without having to read from notes.
The House GOP leadership lost a procedural vote on campaign finance reform and the Republican tax cut may be creating a budget deficit. Conservative Republicans are complaining that Bush has surrendered his principles on the education bill while he's locked in a battle with Democratic leaders over prescription-drug benefits and a patients' rights bill.
The Salvation Army asked the White House for protection from anti-discrimination laws in return for supporting Bush's faith-based initiative, while proposed funding for the plan was being gutted in Congress.
Polls reveal that many Americans are suspicious of the Administration's energy proposals and think that they smell suspiciously like simple payback to the oil and energy industries that brought Bush to the White House. Even Republican leaders acknowledge that large parts of the plan are moribund.
When he's not busy making up nicknames for people and mauling the English language (seriously, this is the kind of guy I have a deathly fear of getting stuck in an elevator with), the "President" seems nervous and unprepared, and he has become famous for taking daytime naps. Meanwhile, the Senior Vice-President has his hands so firmly gripped on the wheel of the ship of state that he had to have a permanent defibrillator placed in his chest just to keep him alive long enough to keep Bush from flying this plane into a mountain.
American Prospect — an unabashedly liberal news and opinion magazine which features a cover this month of "The Incredible Shrinking Presidency" — has doubled its circulation since last fall and has declared that this administration "could be the most tonic thing for American liberalism since Franklin Roosevelt".

Seriously, I picked a great time to start a political humor column; this stuff practically writes itself.

what do you think? email me

"THEY SAVED THE PRESIDENT'S BRAIN!"

Okay, so where have I been...?

Recently, I got distracted by another project that became a lot larger than I had originally intended.

You may have already heard of a group called The Ronald Reagan Legacy Project, headed up by conservative blowhard Grover Norquist. They have been infuriatingly successful with their Lenin-like goal to "honor the legacy of Ronald Reagan" through the designating and renaming of federal and local landmarks nationwide and, in some cases, worldwide. Apparently, they do not want us to ever forget the former movie star who went on to become the greatest president in the entire history of the human race...

I recognized immediately that this project was just right for lampooning. Without even knowing exactly what I would do with it, I registered the domain name ReagansBrain.com. My original idea was to begin a drive to have Reagan's brain preserved in a jar for all posterity; later, that seemed a bit overtly ghoulish, so I develop something just a little more subtle.

I will also confess to you, my loyal readers, that — following the attention that this column received for my Who's On First? parody (SEMI TRUTHS issue 14) — I wanted to create another singular project that might bring more notice to my writings.

So I am opening the floodgates. I invite you all to visit ReagansBrain.com, read the text, sign the petition if you dare, and most importantly, if you are not too embarrassed to do so, Tell A Friend.

Sorry to be so coy; all this will be clearer when you visit the site. Please do keep in mind that my tongue is placed firmly in my cheek, and that my intention is not to make light of a serious medical condition that affects millions of Americans. My only modest goal is to single-handedly deflate the overblown machinations of a well-funded group of reactionary anti-intellectuals engaged in a sustained undertaking to rewrite history.

what do you think? email me

WORLD WIDE WEB WORDS

As usual, all definitions have been liberated from Dictionary.com. This week's words are all celestial in nature...

Superluminal\Su`per*lu"mi*nal\, adj.; faster than the speed of light.

Superlunary\Su`per*lu"na*ry\, adj.; situated beyond the moon.

Sublunary\Sub"lu*na*ry\, adj.; situated between the earth and the moon, situated beneath the moon; of this world, earthly.

Subastral\Sub*as"tral\, adj.; beneath the stars or heavens; terrestrial.

A WORLD OF WRITERS

You know him as Derek Smalls of Spinal Tap, former performer on Saturday Night Live, and a near-infinite number of voices on The Simpsons (Montgomery Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Smithers, Kent Brockman, and many others). He is Harry Shearer, and he has been doing mind-bending political humor since before either George Bush was just a President embarrassed by his binge-drinking offspring. Of course, he's on the web!

http://www.harryshearer.com

WRITERS ON WRITING
IRONICALLY CONTEMPORARY QUOTES BY GREAT AMERICANS (Part II)

"I think we've made some fundamental changes in direction. The funny thing was to hear our opponents labeling our efforts a failure and blaming us for America's economic difficulties even before our program went into effect ... I'd listen to them, and then I'd remember that old Robert Frost saying: `The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to the office´."--President Ronald Reagan