TRUE:
The Thumb-in-Chief
Bush Given Thumbs Up!
WASHINGTON (AP) – “President” Bush summed up his annual medical exam Tuesday with a broad smile and a thumbs-up. One doctor went even further, putting two thumbs in the air and pronouncing the president’s health “unbelievable.”
“Feeling good,” the 56-year-old Bush said as returned to the White House from the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., after three hours with doctors there.
SEMITRUE:
Unnamed sources confirmed today that doctors were concerned about the condition of Bush’s thumb. Said one attending physician “You know, ever since September 11, the President has been running around the country and extolling the virtues of a positive outlook by flashing his thumb in the air. It is only natural that, with a man his age, the First Thumb should start to show some wear and tear. Fortunately, I think we got to it in time.”
A White House source called the examination “routine”, and quelled rumors that the President had, in fact, received a thumb transplant from an anonymous donor. “All the President’s thumbs are his own” insisted the spokesperson.
Some administration critics could not help but make unfavorable comparisons between this President and President Clinton. Mr. Clinton, of course, was well known for his monstrously huge thumb and was often seen wielding it grandly while biting his lower lip. Mr. Bush has not publicly bitten his lower lip since November of 2000, when a seriously miscalculated overbite caused an unsightly welt to appear just above his chin. That misfortune has not prevented him from recently brandishing his own Presidential thumb during a nationwide tour of states with troubled Republican Congressional candidates.