Nuts, I wanted to be the first…
Maciej Ceglowski of idlewords.com has created an inspired parody of the Department of Homeland Security Terrorist Preparedness Website (and I hope he doesn’t mind that I shamelessly stole his brilliant graphics).
Speaking of brilliant graphics, Mike Konopacki has created a marvelous flash animation at Solidarity.com updating the old Bert the Turtle civil defense films.
If you’ve been watching the news (or, indeed, if you live in the Eastern Time Zone and you’ve looked out your window) you know the mid-Atlantic region of the U.S. has been blanketed with several feet of snow. Here in Virginia, everything has just ground to a halt for a few days while we dig ourselves out. Most folks have simply stayed home.
MY JOKE OF THE WEEK: “I just wrapped myself in plastic sheets and duct tape and walked to work...”
I love this piece by Andy Borowitz from his satirical website The Borowitz Report:
Bush Blames Blizzard On Saddam
Evildoer Drops Two Feet of Snow on Northeast, White House SaysPresident Saddam Hussein of Iraq dropped between one and two feet of snow on the Northeastern United States today, closing airports and creating hazardous driving conditions, President George W. Bush revealed.
“To those in the world who say that Mr. Saddam Hussein poses no threat, I�d ask you to take a look outside your window,” President Bush said in a White House press briefing this afternoon. “It’s a freaking mess out there.”
—–Original Message—–
From: ‘Junior@WhiteHouse.gov’
To: ‘41@Kennebunkport.net’
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Subject: My Big Speech
Poppy –
You know I’ve got that big speech coming up tonight. I’m a little nervous, but nothing a few shots from that bottle you left in the desk won’t fix. Ha ha.
Anyways, I’m trying out a few real dandy phrases to kinda get everyone’s attention. You know, like last year with that “Axis of Evil”. Everybody’s still talkin about it, and it sure made me look pretty smart cause two of those countries have turned out to be really really evil since then. (I don’t
know *what’s* going on in that third country though.)
Here’s some of the phrases I’m thinking of using, and I want you to tell me what you think of them:
“AXIS OF EVILER” (see above)
“AXIS OF WEASELS” (Democrats)
“EXCESS OF EVIL” (Liberals)
“AXIS OF AFL” (Labor Unions)
“AXIS OF AWFUL” (Rap music)
“AXIS OF EVEL” (Kneivel)
“AXIS OF FEEBLE” (those pantywaist Euros, like France and Germany)
[“Poppy”] Yeah, what do they know about war?
“ACCENTS OF EVIL” (France and Germany again)
[“Poppy”] Especially the Germans. Brrrr!!!
“AXIS OF EIFFEL” (France)
“AXIS OF WAFFLE” (Belgium. That’s in France, right?)
[“Poppy”] Check with Laura.
“EX-SPOUSE OF EVIL”
[“Poppy”] Better check with Laura on that one, too.
“EXHAUST OF EVIL” (Pollution from fossil fuels. Ha ha, just kidding!)
[“Poppy”] You little stinker!
“AXES OF EVIL” (Loggers. Just kidding again!)
[“Poppy”] Okay Junior, get serious.
“NO NEW AXIS!”
[“Poppy”] I like the sound of that!
“FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON … SHAME ON ME, CAN’T GET FOOLED AGAIN!”
[“Poppy”] No no, I keep telling you. It’s “Fooling with me once is no fooling around again“. No wait … “You can fool me once, but twice is a shame!” No wait…
Ah hell, Georgie, just say what you want and remember to pause every 30 seconds so everyone can clap.
Knock ‘em dead, son!
—41
Powered by WordPress