Semi Truths A highly irregular weblog dedicated to Truth, Justice, and American Cheese…!

June 27, 2002

BROAD STRIPES AND BLACK ROBES

Filed under: Satire,True/Semitrue — semi @ 10:00 pm

TRUE: A federal judge of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco declares that the Pledge of Allegiance violates the constitutional separation of Church and State. Constitutional scholars declare that the Supreme Court will review the case.

SEMITRUE: Declaring that “the Supreme Court is the only body almightier than the Supreme Being“, Justice Antonin Scalia declares that the following oath survives “Constitutional muster”:

We pledge allegiance to the Judge
of the Supreme Court of America

And to the Republicans
for which we stand

One nation, under foot
Take liberties, these Justices for All.

June 24, 2002

FRIENDS LIKE THESE

Filed under: Media,Satire — semi @ 5:18 pm

According to an article in The Washington Post, we may be confusing our real friends with Friends on TV. Writing in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, sociologist Satoshi Kanazawa posits that we have not yet evolutionarily adapted to the false intimacy of television programs and contends that viewers “fail to distinguish between real friends and the imaginary ones they see on TV” and “people who watch certain types of TV are more satisfied with their friendships, as if they had more friends and socialized with them more often”.

Kanazawa, who teaches at the apparently geographically misplaced Indiana University of Pennsylvania, writes “When we watch TV and see people having a good time, we feel like we are with friends having a good time, we are participating and we have friends.” He also cites differences between the genders: women tend to feel like they have more friends and a better social life if they watch more sitcoms and family dramas, whereas men feel more socially connected to news anchors, imagining them to be on the same level of friendship as coworkers. Also, men like sports and porn.

This is a controversial conclusion, and one that I am sure is on its way to be over-analyzed by the media. To explore this theory, I called a few of my close friends and asked them about social bonding in the TV age. Here are a few of their responses:

MR. SPOCK: I have learned never to underestimate the human capacity for reaching emotional conclusions based on fragmented evidence. I find this analysis to be illogical.

HOMER SIMPSON: Beer is my best friend.

COSMO KRAMER: Hey, all my friends are on TV. You got any milk?

RINGO STARR: What would you do if I sang out of tune?

references:

CRIME UP, CREDIBILITY DOWN

Filed under: Satire,True/Semitrue — semi @ 11:09 am

TRUE: As reported in many media outlets, and outlined on the FBI web page, rates for serious crimes such as rape, robbery, and homicide increased dramatically last year for the first time in almost a decade.

SEMITRUE: The White House Media Office is already gathering data regarding the rise in serious crime since January 2001 and is prepared to blame it all on Bill Clinton.

March 9, 2001

HEARTS OF DARKNESS

Filed under: Politics,Satire — semi @ 12:28 am

Unless you were up during the wee hours of the night, you probably missed this rare White House Press Conference…


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