Semi Truths A highly irregular weblog dedicated to Truth, Justice, and American Cheese…!

July 15, 2002

BLACK LIKE MIKE

Filed under: True/Semitrue — semi @ 2:50 pm

TRUE: Shocking onlookers with his candor, singer Michael Jackson appeared at Rev. Al Sharpton’s National Action Network and lambasted the press and the music industry for what he termed a decades-long conspiracy to denigrate black artists and co-opt  their music and dance forms.

According to MTV.COM, Jackson railed “Once I started breaking sales records, I broke Elvis Presley’s record, I broke the Beatles’ record — once I started doing that, overnight, they called me a freak, a homosexual, a child molester. They said I bleached my skin. They did everything they could to turn the public against me. It’s a conspiracy.”

Jackson concluded, “I know my race. I look in the mirror, and I know that I’m black.”

SEMITRUE: Immediately afterward, the Rev. Al Sharpton grabbed the microphone and added. “I look in that same mirror every day. And I know that I’m thin, I have great hair, and doggone it, people like me!”

GOLDEN ARCHES, NOT GOLDEN SHOWERS

Filed under: True/Semitrue — semi @ 2:24 pm

TRUE:

Producer’s Porn Ties Said to Derail Jackson’s Song
story © July 12, 2002, The Los Angeles Times

A Michael Jackson charity single to benefit victims of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks was abandoned by the pop star’s advisors after they discovered that the song’s executive producer had ties to the gay pornography business, according to documents obtained Thursday by The Times and sources close to the charity effort. The pulling of the single came after McDonald’s Corp. backed out of a multimillion-dollar agreement to sell the single in its restaurants, said sources involved in the deal.

SEMITRUE: Standing next to a statue of Ronald McDonald, the corporate mascot of the fast-food chain, a spokesperson for McDonald’s attempted to belie the rumors, pointing out that “our company has always supported pasty-faced clowns”.

June 29, 2002

PUMPING UP THE TROOPS

Filed under: Satire,True/Semitrue — semi @ 9:07 pm

TRUE: According to a report in London’s The Daily Telegraph, a combination of stress and metabolic changes brought about by serving in the high altitudes of the disputed Kashmir mountain region is causing some Indian soldiers to suffer impotency when they return home to their wives. The article quotes Martin Wilkins, a London pharmacologist, who explains that the “extreme alpine environment” causes the body to create the enzyme phosphodiesterase, which hampers the ability of the lungs to absorb oxygen and restricts blood flow, “causing it to droop”.

A handful of soldiers have gone so far as to receive penile implants, a procedure that involves sewing an inflatable bladder and a small pipe inside the patient’s scrotal sac. An Indian army urologist acknowledges that it has been difficult getting the proud, battle-hardened veterans to even admit that they are underperforming in the bedroom.

SEMITRUE: Colonel Lloyd Gibbon-Fravisham, retired from the British Army after serving several years in India before that nation’s independence in 1947, is quoted as saying “that never would have happened when we were in charge”. Speaking from his residence in Leeds, he added “those soldiers wouldn’t be having this problem now if only they could have carried on the British Army tradition of always keeping a stiff upper lip”.

reference:

Indian army finds inflatable answer to low morale, The Daily Telegraph Online, May 05 2002.

June 27, 2002

ELECTION SELECTIONS

Filed under: Satire,True/Semitrue — semi @ 10:49 pm

TRUE: In a major foreign policy speech, “President” Bush declares his support for a democratic Palestinian state and calls for the Palestinian people “to elect new leaders… not compromised by terror”. Palestinian officials, expecting a call for an Israeli withdrawal and hearing instead about “Israel’s need to defend itself”, react with alarm and dismay. Critics of the administration wonder how Bush can call on the Palestinian people to “practice democracy” while, in the same breath, declare an intention only to recognize “a new and different Palestinian leadership”.

SEMITRUE: Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, addressing these criticisms, points out that “this White House is no stranger to controversial changes in management” and, citing bullet-proof polling results, declares that “our current administration approval ratings demonstrate that a popular leader need not necessarily be, you know, like actually elected…”

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